The ostomy has probably bruised every patient’s life. For me, it was a total interference with self-confidence and my already dying self-love.
I remember coming out of the hospital six years ago when I could not even look at my belly. Every day bag change was a suffer for me. I was always scared of farting loud in public and mainly of experiencing a leakage. Sex wasn’t at all in the picture. But eventually, about six weeks after the surgery, I had a couple glasses of wine for courage and I broke the taboo and went for it. And it was fine! The only one, who had an issue with the ostomy, was as usual just me…
It’s been a long time since then, I have been through a couple of relationships, and luckily I never encountered a negative reaction on the bag. Listening to other patients’ experience, however, I know that ostomy can be a problem in love life. If it ever happened to you, I have just one thing to say. Send the person to hell and thank God, that it happened like this. That person would not be the right partner for life anyway. And you definitely don’t need that. But back to the topic. The bag was not a problem for me, but finding the right person was quite a big one. I have always had the vision that I need a guy big as a mountain, to carry me on his shoulders at times of illness. And above all, that the only disabled in the relationship would be me. An ostomate was never an option. I could not imagine having sex with 2 bags in the game….
As it usually happens in life, I was soon to be convinced otherwise. In October 2017 I flew to Denmark for a European Ostomy Association conference. I met a lot of interesting people with incredible stories. But most of all, I met David. A representative of Swedish ILCO club, who, like myself, suffers from Crohn’s disease. And it was love at a first sight. One day was enough for me to drop the prejudices and open my heart to love. And I found out that the relationship with another ostomate is something completely different to living with a healthy person. Because we understand each other fully, help each other and without shame or fear share our intimate issues. Because shared experience and understanding are priceless! I have never felt myself as much as with David. I am not ashamed for my scars, if I make sounds or I have partially full bag. I am calm, happy and self-confident.
Of course, I don’t want to push you to live with an ostomate. I just want to maybe help clearing the unnecessary fake news I was living for years. I am thanking God every day for sending me David and am super much looking forward to spending my life with him.
I wish you all the happiness and keep your heart open. You never know when you meet the love of your life and how he/she will look like 😊
Lots of love,